Around These Parts

I've been doing a lot of writing lately. 

A LOT of writing.

On Sunday, I delivered a copy of the story I've been working on for years to Dan and Alisha - I am not sure that Alisha has been reading it yet, but Dan has, and I handed him another chapter yesterday. Unfortunately, I have to wait for feedback. Or is that such a bad thing? The only "feedback" I have ever gotten before on this particular WIP is 'Oh, it was great, I really enjoyed it.' Obviously not what a writer needs, am I right? So I am hoping that Dan will offer me some constructive criticism, as he has done some writing in the past and he reads more than most people in my group of friends. 

One great thing about having that WIP out there, even if "out there" is just in the hands of my two best friends, it puts pressure on me to produce more. To write more, to do better, to keep my ass in the chair and get it done, because now I have an audience.

Anyway, I wanted to just write a short post to let any readers know that there is a new section on the site here - you can click the "Writing" link at the top of this page and it will take you to another journal page where more of my writing can be found. I am going to post some flash fiction there, as well as responses to writing prompts that catch my eye, and anything else that falls under that category. Also,

There is a new post up at Vampire Zombies From Space! - You can go read it there, or you can click the VZFS! link at the top of this site to read it as well.

Here is the first prompt I have responded to, and the first entry to the new writing blog - it's about an Unusual Anniversary.

Writing prompt from Writer's Digest:  

A special anniversary is coming up and you’ve decided to go all-out to celebrate. The only thing is, this is an anniversary of something unusual and there’s only one other person who knows what it’s about—and he’s uncomfortable celebrating. Write this scene.

I put out the crystal stemware for the dinner, and Roger looked on, not approving.

“Someone could break a glass. You know how much those mean to me. They were my mother’s.”

“Don’t you think that of all people, your mother would appreciate that we are using her fine china to celebrate this?”

“Celebrate!” Roger spat. “I’m still waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

I slunk over to Roger, put a hand behind his neck and pulled him in for a long kiss. I knew that he still loved me and that deep down he had appreciated what I’d done, but he drew away from me, a look of disgust on his face.

A seed of hatred bubbled up inside of me, and I pushed Roger away. 

“I knew you would be ungrateful.”

“Ungrateful? You killed my father!”

“I freed us from your father. I freed your mother from your father. It’s not my fault she didn’t make it out of the car in time. She knew the plan.”

“She was too old,” Roger shook his head. “Why did you have to do it this way?”

“Because driving the car into the lake was the best way to make it look like an accident. And it did, didn’t it? It’s been a year, and no one has a clue that it was us. So let’s celebrate.”

“You’re celebrating my parent’s death?”

“No, sweetie, that would be morbid. I’m celebrating getting away with murder.”

Sick With It.

I'm having a surprisingly bad day. Not that anything bad has happened today - it's just that nothing has happened at all, and that is what is making it so bad. I had every intention of writing today, writing anything - working on VZFS!, working on the other version of VZFS that I haven't really talked about here or anywhere else online, or even just puttering around with something new, but I've not been able to. 

I'm kicking myself in the ass today, because I don't necessarily believe in writer's block or lack of inspiration. There are always things to be written about, there is endless inspiration in the world - wherever we look there are things that spark interest and creativity, but today, my god, I feel like I just want to throw everything away and start all over again, and the scariest thing is, I might.

I only have a couple of weeks left before my hosting expires for VZFS!. What started out as a web serial with the plan of bi-weekly updates stagnated and practically died, and then I had this firecracker pop of inspriation when I wrote Demyx, which is definitely the best (and longest) post in the serial. But from there? Nothing. I always said that VZFS! was more of a test of endurance than anything else. I never expected it to be great or revolutionary, as in many cases I don't think that things written in first person journal style work that well. Now I am wondering whether it is just my chronic neglect that has led me to where I am now - having the thoughts of starting over, or just taking the site down and holding off on it for a while until I can figure out what the hell I am doing. 

I don't know what is going on with me today, with my mood, with this dreadful melancholy and somehow desperate feeling I have. I've had a headache all day, which could be attributed to staying up until 3am and then getting up for work at 8am, and the drinking I did last night, and knowing that I have all the time in the world, really, to do all the writing I want, but I am not seizing the opportunity or making good use of the precious time I have. 

That's another thing - Time. I'm getting older, I'm irrationally freaking out about turning twenty-nine this month, and feel like I have some proverbial clock hanging over my head, ticking down the days and hours and minutes until it's just all used up. And there are these things I want to do. More specifically, there are these books I want to publish, there is this validation I need to have, desperately feel I need to have, before my time is up.

I'm sick with this, these negative thoughts I am feeling today. It's never going to happen, Cheney. You can't do this. You aren't disciplined enough, you aren't good enough, you just will never be enough.

And there's the rub. This block I'm having today, this nogoodverybad day - It's because I think that nothing I do is ever good enough. So I throw it away, I hide it away, I never let anyone see anything. And it gets me absolutely nowhere.