Things I Think About at 2:45AM

I hate winter. I hate it for a lot of reasons, number one being THE COLD, and then there are all of the other little indignities that aren't worth mentioning yet, because we've been lucky (in my opinion) and have had a lot of unusually warm weather lately. 

The second thing of winter that I hate more than other things is the depression. I am SAD. Well, I have SAD, and I really need to get to the doctor and do something about it before it really brings me down.

I haven't been writing lately, and I've been trying to brush it off as just me being lazy. I've been spending too much time in bed watching TV on Netflix instant, I have been reading books and never finishing them, I have been staying up way too late at night and in bed way too late in the morning, I've been eating way more chocolate than usual, and have been afraid of getting on the scale. 

All of these things shouldn't surprise me though, I realize now. Maybe all it takes is reminding myself that it's not ME - I'm not really a lazy fatass chocolate addict that would rather do ANYTHING than be productive in any way. I want to do things, I DO do things. It's just that in the winter getting out of bed is so much harder, and letting myself get sucked away from the world and into my own head is a lot easier.

I'm trying to figure all of this out. With every day that passes I feel like I am getting closer to some threshold, some point I am going to cross over when things will really change for the better, and slowly but surely I am getting there. Aren't I? I wish I had a map for this journey.