OoooK, Cupid

Some observations on the website that got me a date for tomorrow night, Ok Cupid:

• Most men who say they are 35 or 40 are probably 45-50
• There is an OBSCENE amount of men on this site who have "McLovin" as part of their username
• Many younger guys clearly have no idea how to attract a woman, but they do show the most enthusiasm
• If you're a man, I'd say the likelihood that Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is one of the (if not the only) books that you have listed as having read on your profile is about 70%.
• You say you have "a little extra" - we call that overweight.
• You'll be surprised how many people you know that are on this site - message them, it's fun
• No one believes you when you say you enjoyed Pretty Woman.
• Oh yeah, and we're all crazy around here.

This will probably get me terrible traffic to my site, tons of spam, and shady visitors, but I can't help but post some of my favorite OKFails from various local profiles I've come across. Hint: if you are on OK Cupid, have some fun with the "Roll the Dice" button! The following snippets were NOT edited:

The Most Private Thing I'm Willing To Admit:

I love playing w/ myself~shaving~"front and ecspecially my ass".
Luv to shave my ass so it's like a babys' butt, nice'n'smooth.~~
I also like to wear thongs~turns me on~it's kinky~and I LUV playing with my "toys"~(anal)~hmm~hmm~HMMM)~kinky.

My Self Summary:

(redacted) was never born, (redacted) was built. Spare parts from dozens of locations were brought together on that fateful night by a mad man. He thought he could create a better person, a god like being whose powers would dwarf all of mankind. He wasn't completely wrong, but the horror he unleashed was even beyond his dreams. Fear in his heart, horror on his mind, that madman finally did what no one else could do. He destroyed his creation. Tore it limb from limb, carved it up into little pieces and threw them out into the trash, right before he shot himself.

Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food:

porn,X-rated movies, shows that are pornographic,death metal and wet pussy

and from the same profile...

The six things I could never do without:

1. My dvd player 2. Porn 3. my right hand 4. KY 5. A quiet place 6. dirty towels

My self summary:

I used to make fun of people for having a "theme" to their house, until it became increasingly apparent that the theme of my house is Marvel Comics and Universal Monsters. Lest you believe that somehow marks me as somewhat less mature than others, I will remind you that I recently moved and a lot of that stuff was super heavy. That shows both strength and commitment.

See what I am dealing with here? The fact that I got a date at all is an amazing feat.. let's see how it goes tomorrow. I can't wait.

White Rabbit

That's the episode of LOST that I am about to watch instead of blogging properly today. After years, YEARS of pleading, yesterday I was finally able to convince Alisha to watch LOST with me. We watched four episodes on Sunday, then she watched one without me because obviously she is totally addicted to it.. or at least I think she is?

I also have a lot of work to catch up on, which is easy to do while watching TV.

Oh man, date night is Wednesday! I'm getting nervous.. perhaps I'll lighten things a bit up with a post about how strange online dating is and the weird things I am noticing about dudes on OK Cupid. 

Grace in Small Things # 1

Let's face it: We're all waging our own battles against embitterment, right? 

Schmutzie, a blogger I adore, started this social network, Grace In Small Things, so that people would remember the positive things in life that often go overlooked. 

It's sad to say, I need this. I mean, yes, it's a nice thing to do, write a list of the postive things in life, things you've noticed throughout the days that make you happy, the things that you are grateful for. But when I started to write this post and started thinking, What will I put on my list?, I realized how hard it was - for me to just sit down and gather a few positive thoughts. So I need this, as often as possible, don't I?

Here are some of the things that have made me exceptionally happy lately - I am grateful for all of them:

1.) Addie's first birthday party is tomorrow, and it will also be the occasion of Elise's first sleepover at Alisha's house - she's never spent the night anywhere besides home and grandparent's house's, so this will be fun, and interesting.

2.) Digging up an old story that I haven't worked on in years and realizing it is a lot better than I thought it was and seriously considering diving into it again.

3.) The surprise dinner provided by the roomie tonight: a delicious grilled cheeseburger and some cheesy mashed potatos.

4.) Reading all of these: BlogHer Community Keynote: Voices of the Year.

5.) Getting a date for next Wednesday night. Yeah. That happened.

So Much

- from Exploding Dog

+ It was another great weekend - Sailfest weekend, actually. For as long as I can remember (seriously) I have been going downtown to enjoy Sailfest. Sometimes by myself, sometimes with friends, sometimes with Elise - but this year I didn't go. I had no wing-men, Alisha had invited me to her house, so I just went there instead. We ate summer food with her family in the backyard and watched the fireworks from her living room window, then drank more Mojitos until the wee hours of the morning, again. It was like any other day, but with fireworks. I didn't miss the hustle and bustle and commotion of the streetfair, I didn't miss getting fall down drunk with hundreds of people who aren't really my friends, I didn't miss throwing up gallons of beer at the end of the night like I usually do when I finally stumble home from the last downtown bar at 2:30 in the morning. Maybe I'm growing up. Maybe I'm just growing into myself, and letting myself admit that this girl I keep writing about really is probably the best friend I've ever had and I'd rather do anything with her than anything without her, and that includes things that I once thought were the most fun ever.

+ You see, I spend a lot of time by myself. Five nights a week, the nights I have Elise, after she goes to bed I am alone unless someone comes to visit me. This makes my time without her, the time I can spend doing "grown-up" things, or at least childless things, that much more special. I've had an increasingly hard time lately pretending to give a shit for people, and I am not sure what to do about that. I am not a confrontational person by nature, so I can't see myself sending an email or text message saying: "I know you think we're friends, but we're not. Let's just stop pretending, ok?' But lately I've gotten more and more unsolicited invitations from people who I don't really want anything to do with - but because these people are friends with my friends, it makes it uncomfortable to just say no. How do you tactfully tell someone to leave you alone when you are 28 years old and your group of friends more closely resembles a street gang than kumbaya?

+ I need mental help. It's something that I've talked to Alisha about extensively and she's given me all of the resources that I never sought out for myself - who to call, and what to say to get the help I need. But I haven't done it yet. I don't know why, exactly. Is it laziness that keeps me from making a simple phone call? Certainly one hour of my life per week talking to a therapist would be well spent, and not an inconvenience. So, it's apathy I suppose, and isn't that a sign of depression? I'm not a sad person, for the most part. I'm anxious. I'm afraid of things that aren't real, things that don't exist. My fear stems from the impossible, the improbable. I guess I just keep telling myself that whatever it is, it's not that bad. People are way worse off than me. But is it normal to constantly have terrifying things running through my mind? Do normal people hear a truck coming down their road and freeze up with terror that it will just come crashing through the front of the house and kill them? Do they? These are things I think a therapist would be able to tell me, and then maybe help me relax. 

+ Online dating sucks. I talked to a few guys, but then went a few days without responding to any of them (because I was, you know, living life OFFLINE) and now none of them seem to want to talk or have any interest anymore. We'll see what comes of this, but I am at a loss. It is my personal belief that for some people, there is only one fish in the sea, and mine has already swum away. 

+ I wrote a letter to my friend Steph last night, and put it in the mailbox today. In the letter, I wrote her secrets that I can never tell anyone out loud, and I worry that the six page letter I sent will become a burden for her, and not a bridge to reconnection. Yes, I told her secrets because she lives so far away, because she isn't friends with my friends, because she can keep them, if she is so inclined. But also, because she was the one who always held my secrets like stars, when we were children and then seemed to mean more. Sometimes I wonder if I miss her for her, or if I miss the relationship that we used to have. Regardless, missing is a feeling that I'm feeling fiercely for her.